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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27792235">Drug or Delusion</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SourCrumb/pseuds/SourCrumb'>SourCrumb</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fallout 4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drug Use, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 14:42:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,331</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27792235</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SourCrumb/pseuds/SourCrumb</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Nora starts to experiment with drugs to help ease her mind of the stress she's been facing. On a routine adventure with Nick, the chems have her questioning what's real and what isn't.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Conrad Kellogg/Female Sole Survivor, Female Sole Survivor/Nick Valentine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Drug or Delusion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><br/>
The first time it happened was the seventh time she'd tried Mex-X. It had been a moonless night and she and Nick had set up camp in the one solid room left in the massive shell of a bombed-out building. She'd gone outside on a "bathroom emergency" trip and once she'd finished dup and disposed of the empty syringe she came back into the room. If she'd been worried about looking suspicious, she didn't need to. Nick hadn't raised his head from the file he'd been reading once since he'd sat down. He'd been engrossed in the papers it contained for the better of an hour now. </p><p>She had laid back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, feeling the stress and worry slowly begin to melt from her body. God, Cait had been right. As long as Nora was careful, meds and some drugs could absolutely help with her sleepless nights. She just had to make sure it didn't get out of hand and she could do that! It would be like Mentats during University. </p><p>It was wonderful. Everything felt so far away from her now. Not Shaun, not Nate, not the world she'd left behind or the world she was rebuilding now. She was immune from any and all pain, at least for the next few hours. She closed her eyes gratefully. Normally she would never be able to fall asleep with the lights on, but here she was, drifting off. Bless Med-X for this peace and quiet!</p><p>~</p><p>When she opened her eyes next, the room was pitch-black. The lights had all been turned off and, other than the quiet hum of Nick's processors, the room was as silent as a tomb. She remained still and silent on her back, her arms and legs spread, staring up above her. She couldn't see a thing, and the drug was still slithering through her body. Was she really awake now? Was this just a vivid dream? She was learning that sometimes it was hard to tell, especially with certain drugs in particular. </p><p>Then she felt something brush against her ankle. Instantly she froze. </p><p>"Nick? Nick, is that you?" </p><p>It soon became clear that it was. His skin was one-of-a-kind; a surface that was a mixture of humanity and silicon rubber. Nick's fingers slid around her foot, and she held her breath as his thumb began rubbing gently across her own skin. She wondered what she must feel like to him. What words would he use to describe her?</p><p>Suddenly his hand moved away. Her foot felt very cold without the artificial warmth of him. Then she felt the mattress beside her dip with added weight. "Nick?" she whispered again. </p><p>Then she sensed him moving above her and it all clicked inside her head. "Oh," she said softly. "It's this dream." She sighed softly as his hand now came to stroke against her cheek. "I love this dream."</p><p>The chuckle that filled the room left her breathless like she'd been punched hard in the stomach and left to gasp for air on the floor. It couldn't be. This wasn't a dream. This was a nightmare. </p><p>"Who'd have guessed that we both dream about each other? What a pleasant surprise."</p><p>Kellogg.</p><p>She moved to escape, but, of course, he'd been ready for that. She swiftly found her wrists pinned to the mattress. The reminder of how strong Nick's synthetic body made her heart pound loudly with fear. "I-I don't understand," she stammered. "How can you be here? The tests said you were gone!"</p><p>"And yet I appeared to you, didn't I?" He moved her wrists to hold her tightly in place with Nick's steel fingers alone. With the skinned hand, he reached back to her face, cupping her cheek this time. "You saw that I beat the system once. Did you expect me to leave it at that, Popsicle?"</p><p>She shouldn't have, but that had been so, so long ago. She'd honestly forgotten. Kellogg had once been her number one enemy, but as time passed he became a footnote in her vast new history.  NOW was when this asshole decided to come back into her life? </p><p>No. Fuck that. She wasn't about to let her own dream push her around like this. </p><p>"Do you think I'm afraid of you? If it took you this long to come back, you can't be much of a threat," she spat.</p><p>"You think I didn't want to come back every single day and shoot you straight through the head? Trust me, if I could have, I would have. I spend so many hours locked away inside Nicky's head, sharing space with his electronic excuse for a brain, having to hear every tedious thought that pops up, over and over, and over." </p><p>She felt Nick's knees straddle her waist. As his weight settled onto her she worked hard to stay calm. If he wanted to tear her in half right now, he easily could. Her bones and muscles would be no match for Nick's pumps and pistons. </p><p>"So what? Even if you kill me, you'll still be stuck inside Nick. This won't end your suffering," she pointed out, trying to keep her breathing steady and even.</p><p>"You think I don't know that?" he growled, and as the hum of Nick grew louder and his weight pressed her to the bed she squeezed her eyes shut, praying that whatever happened would be quick.</p><p>"I think about killing you all the time, but it doesn't matter. He's just so much louder, it never breaks through. Instead, I have to be smothered with his ideas and desires, such as they are. It's pathetic."</p><p>And then he paused.</p><p>"Nick s not pathetic," she murmured. </p><p>"His thoughts are. Most of them, anyway... there are some things I can enjoy; the thoughts of cigarettes and whiskey..."</p><p>His hand left her face, and she felt Nick's fingers sliding down her neck instead, moving inside the collar of her shirt. "The thoughts of perfectly lined shots and the rush of a good brawl..."</p><p>And then Kellogg slowly wrapped each of Nick's fingers carefully around her throat and squeezed just enough. She gasped softly, at the firm pressure that was cutting off her air but also at the strange gentleness of his touch. His voice was a low rumble that resonated inside her. "The thoughts he has about you when it's very, very, late at night and he just can't help himself anymore."</p><p>He kept her there, trapped for several thrilling seconds, just long enough for her vision to become fuzzy at the edges. Just as she felt the panic inside her become real, he was gone as fast as he'd come, leaving nothing but cold confusion behind. She inhaled great gasps of air, deeply, slowly, once, twice, three times...</p><p>~</p><p>Nora opened her eyes again. There was light sneaking in from under the door now. She sat up slowly, looking around her, unsure if this was still a dream or if she was now safe in reality. Nick was still sitting in the same chair he'd been in since she fell asleep, but now the files were neatly packed and put off to the side. He'd been paging through one of his dime-store novels when he noticed she was awake. </p><p>"Morning, Nora. Hope you slept well. I managed to get a jump start on this next case of ours. I think it could be connected to something I looked at a few years ago. Another robbery, one will very similar crime scenes to this one. I was thinking we could go over this more in-depth over breakfast. What do you think?"</p><p>Nora stared at him wordlessly. She raised a hand to her neck and turned to the cracked mirror on the wall. There was nothing there, no finger-shaped bruises, no tell-tale red markings. Her skin looked as if nothing had happened.</p><p>What did she think?</p><p>She thought that maybe Med-X wasn't for her after all.</p>
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